Hearses are a strange phenomenon in the automotive world. An often purpose-built genre of motor vehicle, designed for carrying large wooden boxes with dead people inside them.
Ok that’s a bit of a crass and blunt way of looking at it. A more romantic (not necrophiliac) way of looking at a hearse is: a chariot to take you on your final journey before you join the spiritual realm, or whatever is in store at the other side.
Many hearses and funeral cars look like afterthoughts, done by small-time businesses, with a handful managing to look elegant and cohesive. Based on Ford Fairlanes or Falcon utes or wagons, or Holden Statesmans and utes, they seldom win any beauty contests, doing little to elevate the bleakness of what they are and what they represent.
While there is no positive spin to put on what they are carrion (pun intended), here are 10 of the sexiest hearses we could find, to give you rigor mortis of the nether regions.
1. Ellena Maserati Ghibli hearse
The Ellena Maserati Ghibli Hearse exudes an air of grace and class, turning the final journey into a procession of elegance. The powerful, streamlined design of the Ghibli, combined with the delicate craftsmanship typical of Ellena, makes this hearse a genuine standout. Its distinctively Italian appeal conveys passion and theatre, while also asserting a touch of style and luxury.
2. Coleman-Milne Ford Mustang Mach-E hearse
The Coleman-Milne Ford Mustang Mach-E Hearse demonstrates how traditional craftsmanship can integrate with modern design. This all-electric hearse, based on the Ford Mustang Mach-E, features an intriguing blend of power and serenity. The sleek design pays homage to the Mustang’s rich heritage, while the quiet, clean energy conveys a sense of peace and respect for the environment.
3. Binz Tesla Model S hearse
The Tesla hearse pushes the boundaries of conventional design with its cutting-edge technology and sleek, modern aesthetic. Its minimalist, futuristic design pairs well with its electric powertrain, providing a smooth, quiet, and fashionable final journey. With a nod to the future of the automotive industry, the Tesla hearse redefines tradition with a modern twist.
4. Coleman-Milne Mercedes-Benz E-Class hearse
Combining the timeless elegance of Mercedes-Benz with the craftsmanship of Coleman-Milne, the E-Class hearse exudes dignity and sophistication. Its design encapsulates an air of solemn respect, while its top-tier interior brings a level of comfort and luxury that upholds the Mercedes-Benz name. With a perfect balance of aesthetics and practicality, it’s truly a beautiful modern hearse.
5. Hillier Jaguar XJ The Queen II hearse
The Hillier Jaguar XJ hearse exemplifies British luxury, combining the unmistakable elegance of Jaguar with the tradition of Hillier. Its sleek lines and refined interior underline the Jaguar’s legacy of sophistication, providing an atmosphere of serene reverence. It’s a hearse that brings a strong sense of majesty and elegance to any funeral procession. Just look at that interior.
6. Biemme Rolls-Royce Phantom hearse
The Rolls-Royce Phantom hearse by Biemme symbolises the pinnacle of luxury in funeral transport. Its signature design, paired with the superb craftsmanship synonymous with Rolls-Royce, provides an unparalleled level of grace and importance. This hearse truly stands out with its intricate detailing, asserting the Phantom’s iconic status and turning the final journey into a celebration of a life lived.
7. Biemme BMW 7 Series hearse
The BMW 7 Series Hearse is a testament to the German manufacturer’s commitment to luxury and performance. Its sleek, aerodynamic design conveys a sense of peace and respect, while the premium interior adds a layer of comfort. Combining luxury with tradition, it ensures a luxurious farewell journey.
8. Ford Falcon hearse
The Ford Falcon hearse is a time-honoured favourite, reflecting a strong sense of tradition and dependability. Its solid, robust design is softened by elegant lines and a comfortable interior. This classic hearse demonstrates how design elements can come together to create a vehicle that’s both practical and aesthetically pleasing. Well, for this sort of thing anyway. This example is up for sale now on Facebook (link in the title).
9. Hadley Holden VF Commodore hearse
A Holden Commodore hearse is a staple of Australian funeral transport, combining functionality with aesthetics. Its strong, distinctive design provides a sense of reliability, while the spacious, comfortable interior ensures a peaceful journey. A blend of tradition and style, the Holden Commodore hearse is a testament to Australian automotive history.
10. Binz H4 Mercedes-Benz E-Class hearse
The Binz H4 is based on the Mercedes-Benz E-Class and it epitomises luxury and elegance. Its distinctive design, reminiscent of the E-Class’s signature sophistication, conveys a sense of tranquillity and respect. With a spacious, high-quality interior and smooth ride, this hearse ensures a stately and comfortable final journey. It was the transport of choice for Queen Elizabeth’s final journey.
Hearses and funeral cars, despite their solemn purpose, can be a canvas for beauty and craftsmanship. The top 10 hearses listed above reflect a blending of traditional values and modern design, each bringing their unique aesthetic to the respected task they perform.
